“All loving parents face essentially the same challenge: raising children who have their heads on straight and will have a good chance to make it in the big world,” wrote Foster Cline, MD, and co-author Jim Fay in Parenting with Love and Logic. “We must equip our darling offspring to make the move from total dependence on us to independence, from being controlled by us to controlling themselves.”
Unfortunately, noble intentions frequently fail to achieve the desired result. “Many of the worst kids—the most disrespectful and rebellious—often come from homes where they are shown love, but it’s just the wrong kind of love,” according to Cline and Fay.
Three parenting styles in particular should be avoided. “Love and Logic parents avoid the helicopter and drill sergeant mentalities by using a consultant style of parenting as early as possible in the child’s life,” wrote Cline and Fay. “They ask their children questions and offer choices. Instead of telling their children what to do, they put the burden of decision-making on their kids’ shoulders.” The third ineffective parenting style is encountered less often: the laissez-faire parent.
THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO
Cline’s Love and Logic Institute is dedicated to making parenting and teaching fun and rewarding, instead of stressful and chaotic. Turning Winds’ chief operations officer Carl Baisden has a lot of experience working with our teenage clients and he is no stranger to parenting challenges in his own family.
“One of the greatest gifts parents can give themselves is to accept the concept that our kids don’t consider their parents when they make choices,” says Baisden. “Sometimes we react to our children as though they do consider us and we react by saying things like ‘we raised you better’ or ‘you knew better and I can’t believe you didn’t think about how this was going to impact your family.’ I’ve worked with kids for more than 20 years and very seldom do they contemplate how is this going to impact mom and dad when I make a choice.”
Teenagers rarely think in those terms but a lot of parents respond to their behaviors as if they did—“that they considered us and they still did it and I think that’s a flaw in the parenting process,” says Baisden.
When teenagers struggle and parents have been utilizing an ineffective parenting style, an intervention may right the ship. This is where a holistic treatment effort like the one at Turning Winds comes in. “Our philosophy is when someone has made a mistake, it’s an opportunity to teach,” explains program director Enoch Stump. “We look at whether they have gotten off the rails, pushed boundaries, or have broken rules. It’s an opportunity—our challenge is how do we help that person grow, connect, and process with them.”
BEING CURIOUS WITH KIDS
Moving kids to become competent actors in the world may also involve assisting with conflict resolution without micromanaging the situation. “I had a situation with my kiddo and his art teacher at school and he just did not get along with this teacher. I met the teacher and she was incredibly gruff and very black-and-white,” recalls Baisden. “My son likely was probably not the only person struggling to connect with this teacher and so instead of talking with the school about the teacher I thought it was really important to work with my son and align with him, trying to salvage this relationship. So, my kid goes into her class and does all these sweet things with great intention.”
A few weeks later, Baisden met at a teacher conference with her, and about five minutes into the conversation he got the feeling his boy and the teacher really liked each other. “It was my help,” he thought, “I aligned with him and set things up. He brought her a big bouquet of pencils as a peace offering and her eyes got big and her heart lit up and she was excited and that was the beginning of that relationship completely changing. I lined up with my kid, helping him get curious and helping him be courageous enough to try different things.”
Baisden feels it’s about boosting the self-confidence of kids and just being curious with our kids when they make mistakes and when they struggle. “We need to align with our kids and get curious with them, not super judgmental or angry or particularly punitive,” says Baisden. “If we could just develop a process where our kids become comfortable being curious with us, just looking at things. Had I talked to the principal or written angry emails to the teacher, I would have fed my self-confidence at the expense of my kid’s, taking away his opportunities to manage his life.”
Our dedicated team comprises therapists, educators, and support personnel, all committed to guiding our clients toward realizing their full potential. They form an interconnected network of support, creating a resilient, enriching environment that nurtures personal growth and self-confidence. They are our most valuable asset and the key to our clients’ transformative experiences.
At Turning Winds, we provide our clients with a compass to navigate their journey and a sturdy foundation on which they can build their success stories. It’s not about erasing the past; it’s about empowering them to write the next chapters of their lives, filled with resilience, growth, and achievement.
Over the past two decades, Turning Winds has been able to help many families overcome what seemed impossible odds. Our mission is to rescue teens from crises, renew their belief in their potential, reunite them with their families, and put them on a sustainable path to success.
Contact us online for more information, or call us at 800-845-1380. If your call isn’t answered personally, one of us will get back to you as soon as possible.
